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Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website, which is waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at beautiful Tanglewood in Lenox, Mass., on September 1 and our first ever show in beautiful Rochester, N.Y., on October 20.

And be sure to check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week, we bring you an Olympic special featuring Sir Patrick Stewart.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JACKIE SANDER: Hi, this is Jackie calling from Astoria, N.Y.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Astoria?

SANDER: They're good.

(LAUGHTER)

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: You said that very nervously.

SAGAL: That's it?

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: They're good, they're good. Why do you ask, Peter?

SAGAL: They're fine. Nothing's wrong. What do you do there in Queens?

SANDER: I'm a case manager, and I work with at-risk teenage girls.

SAGAL: Oh, ok. That's cool. And how do you avert them from risk?

SANDER: (Laughter) Work with them to try to not get into trouble.

SAGAL: I see. And how does that go?

SANDER: There's good days and bad days.

SAGAL: I understand.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Jackie. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. Your job - fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks. Do that, you will be a winner. Ready to play?

SANDER: Yes.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Not every kumquat's a beaut, and some cherries are not very cute. Foods that are marred once used to be barred, but now we can sell ugly...

SANDER: Fruit?

SAGAL: Yes, fruit.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Fruit.

SAGAL: This is true.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Until now, grocers in Quebec, Canada, were banned from selling ugly or misshapen produce. This meant the sellers had to throw away things like lumpy strawberries or crooked carrots or potatoes with unibrows.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's great news all around. It reduces food waste for us. It's great for ugly vegetables who can finally go outside without makeup. And best of all, now unattractive produce has a choice other than working in public radio.

(LAUGHTER)

HELEN HONG: Hey.

SAGAL: Hey.

FAITH SALIE: So - I mean, you would think that, like, the uglier the fruit, the kind of more natural it. Right? Is that the idea? That it's maybe more healthful?

SAGAL: I'm not quite sure why they relaxed it. I just think it was very unfair that they were holding fruit to this artificial standards of beauty.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Right.

SAGAL: I mean it's so...

HONG: Objectifying.

SAGAL: Exactly, objectifying. I mean, how can a pear avoid being pear-shaped?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Too long have men's briefs gone astray. With lace, we are well on our way. We are sure there is no harm in some silk undergarments. We men can now buy...

SANDER: I'm sorry, can you read that again?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, please. Please read it again.

KURTIS: Too long have men's briefs gone astray.

SAGAL: Oh, read it more slowly.

KURTIS: Too long have men's briefs gone astray.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: With lace, we are well on our way. We're sure there's no harm in some silk undergarments. We men can now buy...

SANDER: Lace?

SAGAL: No, how about - would you believe lingerie?

KURTIS: For men.

SAGAL: For men - a company called Menagerie.

HONG: Oh, wow.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Menagerie? - I don't know - is creating a new line of silk boxers, lace pajamas, slimming corsets designed specifically for men. It's just like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was really a dude.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Does this have any appeal for you guys?

GOLDTHWAIT: I'm wearing it right now.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Under his cargo shorts.

GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah. My male boobs aren't always this perky.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: I need something that lifts and separates.

HONG: Yeah, yeah, good support there.

SAGAL: The best thing about this trend, if it continues toward men wearing lingerie, is watching a man spend two hours trying to get his own bra off.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The company says that while their products are certainly more delicate than what men are used to wearing, they want to assure customers that all of it is still plenty masculine. You know, the kind of lace panties you could crush a can of beer against.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: The Oregon State Fair's distraught. We might have to call in the SWAT. We gave the highest praise. Now the crowds want to blaze. Keep watch on the prize-winning...

SANDER: Pot.

SAGAL: Yes, pot.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Now that it is legal to sell it in Oregon, the Oregon State Fair is handing out blue ribbons for the best marijuana plants.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And really - when you think about it, there isn't a better place in the world to get the munchies than a state fair, get deep-fried Twinkies, elephant ears. And if you get truly desperate, you just head over to the butter sculptures.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to the - it's just like any other agricultural competition at a state fair, according to the website of the Oregon State Fair, entrance plants will be judged on several qualities, including color, shape, aroma and how tolerable electronica sounds after smoking.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jackie do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Jackie got 2 out of 3.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Very well done, Jackie. Thank you so much for playing.

SANDER: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "DON'T CRITICIZE IT, LEGALIZE IT")

PETER TOSH: (Singing) Legalize it, don't criticize it. Legalize it, yeah, yeah, and I will advertise it. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.