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Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows at Tanglewood in Lenox, Mass., on September 1; Rochester, N.Y., on October 20; and Nashville, Tenn., November 3.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

LINDSEY DAVIDSON: Hi, this is Lindsey Davidson, and I'm calling from Edmond, Okla.

SAGAL: Edmond, Okla. Now, I do not know where that is. Where is it?

DAVIDSON: So I - it's basically a suburb of Oklahoma City.

SAGAL: Oh, OK. That's fine.

DAVIDSON: Yeah.

SAGAL: What do you do there?

DAVIDSON: So I actually work in Stillwater at Oklahoma State University, and I do social media for the division of agricultural sciences and natural resources.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Now, wait, what do you - so you do social media for a school of agriculture. Is that what you said?

DAVIDSON: Yeah. I get paid to do the fun stuff. I feel like it's not even a real job.

ALONZO BODDEN: Now, what do you snapchat from the school of agriculture? Like, watch this grow.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Welcome to the show, Lindsey. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to play?

DAVIDSON: All right? Let's do this.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: I'm loving my dorm's special fee-tza (ph). I hope this machine will take Vi-tza (ph). Through this slot it will squeeze extra meat, sauce and cheese. A vending machine that bakes...

DAVIDSON: Pizza.

SAGAL: Pizza.

KURTIS: Yeah, there you go.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Xavier University in Ohio has unveiled the world's first pizza ATM. Just insert your card, type in your PIN and three minutes later, a piping hot pizza comes out of a slot. No longer will pesky human interaction get between you and your freshman 15.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Only in America.

SAGAL: Absolutely. We're all rats now. We're just going up to machines and pressing buttons to get food pellets.

ADAM FELBER: Delicious, cheesy, hot food pellets.

SAGAL: I want one right now.

FELBER: Yeah.

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: We fishes aren't scared of the dark. Past fierce rows of teeth we embark. Our lunch pails distract those jaws from attacks. Meals ready to eat for a...

DAVIDSON: I don't know.

SAGAL: Rows of teeth.

BODDEN: Popular in a very good movie.

DAVIDSON: Shark. Oh, my God.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, there you go. That-a (ph) girl.

SAGAL: There you go.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A shark, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We tend to think of sharks as ruthless hunters intent on stalking their prey. But a new study published in a journal says sharks are just like us. They do not like working for their food. They pick the easiest option, whether that's a dead sea turtle floating there or the swim-through lane at Kentucky Fried Surfer or the new chum ATM at Xavier University in Ohio.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, that's why they - you know, you - they say - I haven't been in this situation - but they say if you just bonk it on the nose, it leaves.

FELBER: Yeah.

BODDEN: They don't tell you if you bonk him in the nose, he leaves, comes back with a few friends.

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: No, they don't like friction.

FELBER: How do you know this?

POUNDSTONE: I've read it in the book.

FELBER: You mean, like, sharks don't like friction...

POUNDSTONE: I mean, I didn't do my own study, but I did...

FELBER: ...That they're conflict-avoidant.

POUNDSTONE: Yes, they are.

SAGAL: Yeah, you mean, like, emotional friction? Like, look, I'm going to eat you. I hope that's OK. I don't want to make a big deal out of it.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, they just don't like any kind of conflict.

BODDEN: Keep in mind, when they do these studies, they never get to talk to someone who was actually eaten by a shark.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODDEN: It's never, hey, what did you do wrong?

FELBER: It could be that just about everybody ever eaten by a shark first bonked it on the nose.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: His last words were Paula was wrong.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Lindsey, we still have one more limerick for you. Here it is.

KURTIS: An airship or just airborne smut? It's two blimps tied together, that's what. In the middle, a crack. It seems to lack tact. It looks like a huge flying...

DAVIDSON: Fact?

SAGAL: I think, Lindsey, you might be too nice and too polite to get this. But I do want to give you one more chance.

DAVIDSON: Oh, butt?

SAGAL: Yes.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: There you go.

FELBER: How dare you? How dare you?

POUNDSTONE: Of course not, Lindsey, this is public radio.

SAGAL: Finally, after years of development, the Airlander 10, the world's longest aircraft, was unveiled this week in Britain. It's a dirigible with these two long cylinders fused together to form what aeronautics experts call a big butt in the sky. British media immediately branded it the flying bum. When it flies overhead, it looks like God is about to sit on you. Worse, it's essentially a high-tech blimp, so it's filled with gas.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Lindsey do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She's such a good sport. Let's give her all.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Lindsey.

DAVIDSON: Thank you so much.

SAGAL: You did that well.

DAVIDSON: Thank you. I appreciate it.

SAGAL: Thanks for playing.

DAVIDSON: Thank you, guys.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "UP, UP AND AWAY")

THE 5TH DIMENSION: (Singing) Up, up and away in my beautiful, my beautiful balloon. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.