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Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for that rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924, or click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Cleveland on December 8. And check out our How To Do Everything podcast - or don't. It's the last episode. It's best not to get attached, really.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

MICHAEL FRACHOLLO: Hi, my name is Michael. And I'm calling from Phoenix, Ariz.

SAGAL: Hey, what do you do there in Phoenix?

FRACHOLLO: I run a high school choir program at Apollo High School.

SAGAL: Oh, wow, high school choirs can be awesome. How is yours?

FRACHOLLO: Equally as awesome as you think. It's pretty solid (laughter).

SAGAL: Yeah, does your choir do, like, the pop hits or do they go for more classic choir repertoire?

FRACHOLLO: I try to do a variety. We do our pop concert in spring. And kids can, like, sing solos and they get to wear jeans at the concert, so they're pretty excited about it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah. Well, welcome to the show, Michael. Bill Kurtis, right now, is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play?

FRACHOLLO: Yeah, let's do it.

SAGAL: All right, here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: I'm a mouse who enjoys human genes. So I've got a transfusion machine. I am acting uncouth with my fountain of youth. I siphon the blood of a...

FRACHOLLO: Oh, gosh, the students are going to be so disappointed.

KURTIS: No, they sing concerts for you - every year.

(LAUGHTER)

FRACHOLLO: I have no idea.

SAGAL: Well, it's true...

ADAM FELBER: They are the people in your choir.

FRACHOLLO: Teens.

KURTIS: Teen, it is. It is. It is.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Scientists in California say they have reversed the effects of aging in mice by injecting them with blood from human teenagers. Mice with teen blood scampered around the lab like much younger mice. They showed improved memory skills and were more adept at Snapchat and Instagram.

All right, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Though our food's bland, we even serve canned slaw. At our restaurant, we try to brand aww. In a move that is shady, we use an old lady. We say that our food's made by...

FRACHOLLO: Old lady, rhymes with aww - going to be an aww kind of word.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Keep going.

SAGAL: Yeah, it's - it rhymes with canned slaw, brand aww, an old lady.

FRACHOLLO: Grandma.

SAGAL: Yes, grandma.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: (Laughter) Good job.

SAGAL: According to research from Cornell University, dishes in restaurants sell better when they have the word grandma in the title. We're suckers for nostalgia...

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Oh, my gosh.

SAGAL: ...The comforts of home. For example, grandma's zucchini cookies sell better than zucchini cookies and far better than Creepy Uncle Wayne's surprise biscuits.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Yeah, the Creepy Uncle Wayne brand never really caught on.

SAGAL: Yeah, it really didn't.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Actually, you can use this to make anything sound better, a little more appetizing, a little more pleasant.

Sir, the test came back. You have grandma's chlamydia.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Yeah, that doesn't sound better.

SAGAL: No, it really doesn't. I was just thinking, no.

FELBER: I think you found the one counterexample right there.

SAGAL: Yeah.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: That, in fact, sounds creepy (laughter). You know, it sounds like a flower when it comes right down to it.

SAGAL: Exactly - aww, here, I got you a bouquet of chlamydia, honey.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Grandma's chlamydia garden.

FELBER: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Chlamydia DuBois.

POUNDSTONE: Chlamydia, honey, go fetch the paper for mama.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Michael, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Streaming shows took TV up a notch. But the right choice is easy to botch. Through my options I'm clicking while clocks keep on ticking. I waste months while I choose what to...

FRACHOLLO: Watch.

SAGAL: Yes, there you are.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to research by Ericsson electronics, we waste 474 days of our lives deciding what to watch on TV.

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

SAGAL: It's true. One night you say to yourself, am I feeling more "Game Of Thrones" or "Scandal" or "Dance Moms"? Then suddenly, you're 90 years old and alone.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Four-hundred-and-seventy-four days of flipping channels is more time than we spend waiting in traffic, brushing our teeth and sitting on the toilet, combined.

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

SAGAL: So if you have an iPad, you can browse Netflix and sit on the toilet at the same time. Somebody says, what are you doing in there? You say, hey, I'm living my life to the fullest.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill...

FELBER: Bring me my browser, Chlamydia.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Let's not start again because...

FELBER: We don't need another chlamydia flare up, you're saying?

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Michael do on our quiz?

KURTIS: I don't know. Michael, how'd you do?

(LAUGHTER)

FRACHOLLO: Hope I did a pretty good job.

KURTIS: Yeah, you did. And we're going to call you a winner with 2 out of 3. How's that?

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you for playing, Michael. Great to talk to you.

FRACHOLLO: Thanks, guys.

SAGAL: Bye-bye. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.