PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924.
You can click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Ill., and our upcoming show in Hartford, Conn., on March 15 and our first ever show for kids, Wait Wait... Junior at the Athenaeum Theatre right here in Chicago on March 31. If you think this show is already too juvenile, wait till you see Wait Wait... Junior.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
JACK SCHRODER: Hi, this is Jack Schroder (ph) calling from my roommate's grandmother's house.
SAGAL: Your roommate's grandmother's house.
PAULA POUNDSTONE, BYLINE: Nice.
SAGAL: And what do you do there in your roommate's grandmother's house?
(LAUGHTER)
SCHRODER: Mostly eat cookies.
SAGAL: Where is this roommate's grandmother's house located?
SCHRODER: We are in Columbus.
SAGAL: Columbus, Ohio?
SCHRODER: Yes.
SAGAL: That's great. What do you do there?
SCHRODER: I am a student at Ohio State University, and I study industrial engineering.
SAGAL: Oh, that's cool. So you're going to be able to, like, make stuff.
SCHRODER: Yes.
SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Jack. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a big winner. You ready to play?
SCHRODER: I'm ready.
SAGAL: All right. Here's your first limerick.
BILL KURTIS: With champagne, my chompers are fine. They're purple, but show no decline. There's no decay since I use Zinfandel rinse. My teeth have been strengthened by...
SCHRODER: Wine.
SAGAL: Right.
KURTIS: Yes, yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Wine.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Have you ever experienced - and you'll know what I'm talking about - wine mouth? Have you ever experienced wine mouth - that horrific moment after a bottle of say, Chianti, when your mouth looks like you just French kissed a beet salad?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Good news. All that red wine's actually protecting your teeth. Chemicals in wine stop bacteria from sticking to your teeth, preventing things like tooth decay and gingivitis. More reason to get drunk. Either that, or the bacteria look at your gross, stained smile and are like, oh, God. No thanks.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Forget cavities. Let's go do some gangrene instead.
LUKE BURBANK: Next time I'm ordering the third glass of wine and my wife shoots me that look, I'm going to just be like, I'm taking care of my teeth.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick.
KURTIS: Just for fun - that is really the whole answer. There's no stripping, just moves that cajole prancers (ph). Our elder care home lets cataracts roam. For kicks, we have hired a...
SCHRODER: Dancer.
SAGAL: Well, specifically, what kind of dancer rhymes with whole answer, cajole prancers (ph), although Lord knows what that is.
SCHRODER: Pole dancer.
SAGAL: Pole dancer, yes.
KURTIS: Pole dancer, yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Worried that its old men were not dirty old men, the Encore Care Home in New Zealand recently had a pole dance show for the residents, or as the residents put it, a lady who's really good at using her cane.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The dancers apparently enjoyed performing for the seniors. They did not love, though, how the seniors would say, don't spend it all in one place, right before stuffing a nickel in their G-string.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: Now do we know - because there's a whole kind of, like, a rise of, like, pole dancing that's not...
SAGAL: Yes, it's exercise.
BURBANK: ...Not nude pole dancing.
SAGAL: Yes. This was sort of artistic pole dancing.
BURBANK: Oh, I see. So they were performing for the seniors. They were - the seniors were not getting involved. They were not taking a pole dancing class themselves.
SAGAL: I think that would be awesome though.
BURBANK: I mean, yeah. I just think my worry is, like, I don't know how this goes. If it is sort of an erotic moment, I feel like it would kill half of the residents.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Yeah.
BURBANK: Just the witnessing of it.
SAGAL: Sure.
BURBANK: And that seems like a downside.
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, they'd go happy.
BURBANK: Yeah.
SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.
KURTIS: The craft brews on tap are the star. This birthday is my best one so far. Well, it's only my first, so it's also the worst. I am hosting this bash at a...
SCHRODER: Bar.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Apparently more and more hipster parents are holding their kids' birthday parties at breweries. They say it's more spacious than their homes, it's cheaper than renting an event space and if you drink enough, your hallucinations are actually a lot like going to Chuck E. Cheese's.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Do you know what this means? It means 8-year-olds will refuse to go to their friends' birthday parties because that place's brewmaster relies too much on herbal additives.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: My town is completely overrun by breweries.
SAGAL: Yes.
BURBANK: It's like, there's one - I live in a place called Bellingham, Wash., and there is one brewery per person in the town.
SAGAL: Yes. Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: People are bringing their kids, and a little - and little kids without front teeth are complaining that their beer is too (mimicking kid) food forward.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Jack do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Jack did great - 3-0.
SAGAL: Congratulations, Jack.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: And thanks to your roommate and your roommate's grandmother.
SCHRODER: I will.
SAGAL: All right. Thanks a lot, Jack.
SCHRODER: Bye-bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BIRTHDAY")
FLO RIDA: (Singing) I don't want no cake on my birthday. I want my cake every day, every day. I don't want no cake on my birthday. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
