Sandwich Monday: The Burger King Veggie Burger

By Ian Chillag

Published July 15, 2013 at 2:02 PM EDT

You can see the line where the bun has already started to divide. That's how veggie burgers reproduce.

Burger King has made great reforms in the past few years, in case you haven't noticed. First, the election of its first Burger Prime Minister freed its citizens from the absolute monarchy that had ruled the restaurant for decades. Second, it created a veggie burger.

Eva: I wonder where they got the vegetarian pink slime.

Miles: I do have to hand it to Burger King, its food-shame substitute feels almost exactly like the real thing.

Robert: It's another tragic story of a sandwich caught between two cultures. No longer trusted by the meat nor fully accepted by the vegetables.

At this point, we have yet to tell Robert it's a veggie burger.

Miles: This is exciting for every vegetarian who felt left out of those "American obesity epidemic" montages.

Robert: I thought the Blackhawks Stanley Cup hype had died down, and then boom: Burger King in Chicago starts serving hockey pucks.

Ian: I know veggie burgers. Veggie burgers are a friend of mine. Sir, you're no veggie burger. (I'm just quoting from that time Lloyd Bentsen debated this sandwich.)

Miles makes this same face when he's playing the Veggie Trumpet.

Ian: This is a great gateway to vegetarianism. The gate is locked, so everybody turns back.

Miles: Vegetarianism may have jumped the organically produced, vegetable-protein shark substitute.

Robert: Shut up, guys, we need to finish this quickly before it sinks to the Earth's core under the density of the patty.

[The verdict: I love a veggie burger, and props to Burger King for offering one. But the best thing I can say about this patty is it keeps the top of the bun from touching the bottom of the bun.]

Our patty recognition software failed to pick this up.

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists atWait Wait ... Don't Tell Me.