Sandwich Monday: The Shamrock Shake

By Ian Chillag

Published March 3, 2014 at 2:00 PM EST

Michelle Obama says you should get at least five servings of green per day.

Long ago, McDonald's chose to honor St. Patrick banishing the snakes from Ireland with its Shamrock Shake, made with real snake. It was known for its subtle flavor and powerful aphrodisiac qualities. While the recipe has changed slightly over the years, the powerful aphrodisiac qualities remain.

Peter: Sucking this up through the straw is pretty hard work just to get something that tastes like toothpaste.

Miles: Shamrocks are good luck, but I think the woman who rang us up took it too far when she said, "You're gonna need it."

We told Mike if he sucks the leprechaun out of the bottom of the shake, he gets a wish.

Miles: Fun fact: This shake starts off white, but is just super envious of McFlurries.

Peter: Did they have a discussion about what flavor to put in after they came up with a green shake? What tastes "green"? Glad they didn't go with "lichen" or "algae."

Ian: Or Green Party. It's got a strong Nadertaste.

If you spill your Shamrock Shake, make sure and clean it up with a Shamwow.

Peter: Here's a recipe for a great Shamrock Shake-inspired cocktail: 1 Shamrock Shake, 1 oz good bourbon. Drink bourbon. Stare at shake and wonder why you were so excited, again.

Miles: Do you guys think this is just leftover pink slime dyed green?

Ian: Guys, I need another one. I got the Shamrock Shakes real bad.

[The verdict: a few years ago, I ordered my first Shamrock Shake, and was surprised at the weird Strawberry-Mint flavor. Finally tasting another one today, I realize that the shake machine just hadn't been cleaned that day. This is minty and delicious, as long as you don't think about that toothpaste flavor Peter mentioned.]