PETER SAGAL, HOST:
We have reached our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can - each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
BILL KURTIS: Faith has 3, Peter and Negin each have 2.
SAGAL: All right, Peter and Negin. We flipped a coin. Negin has chosen to go second. That means, Peter, you are up first. So the clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Monday, the president of Brazil turned down the $20 million in aid to fight the fire raging in blank?
PETER GROSZ: The Amazon.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Wednesday, New York Senator blank dropped her bid for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination.
GROSZ: Kirsten Gillibrand.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Thursday, Trump announced he was canceling his trip to Poland so he could monitor Hurricane blank.
GROSZ: Ooh - can't remember the name. It starts with a D. And I want to say Doral, but that's not right.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: No, it is Hurricane Dorian.
GROSZ: Dorian - excuse me.
SAGAL: A man in Nashville was arrested for public intoxication after police spotted him blanking.
GROSZ: Publicly drinking.
SAGAL: No. He was trying to call an Uber with his vape pen.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: On Thursday, the CDC said that the U.S. is close to losing its status as a country that had eliminated blank.
GROSZ: Bedbugs.
SAGAL: No, measles.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: After finishing a round of chemotherapy, Alex Trebek announced he was resuming his hosting duties on blank.
GROSZ: Oh, "Jeopardy" - good.
SAGAL: Yes. Welcome back, Alex.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, doctors at Stanford began clinical trials...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: ...Of a new brain implant that will blank.
GROSZ: Give you a new brain.
SAGAL: No.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: This brain implant will shock you every time you think about food.
(GASPING)
FAITH SALIE: Oh.
GROSZ: That's terrible.
SAGAL: Well, the new implants will monitor your brainwaves, looking for signs that you're about to really dig into that pint of Ben and Jerry's. And if it detects something, it'll send you a mild electric shock.
SALIE: Oh.
SAGAL: The hope is that the chip will help support dieting and encourage healthier eating habits - or at the very least make you really comfortable with constant electric shocks.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Peter do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Well, he got four right - 8 more points, total of 10. But he has the lead.
SAGAL: All right.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Negin...
NEGIN FARSAD: OK.
SAGAL: You are up next. Fill in the blank.
FARSAD: Yeah.
SAGAL: On Monday, a judge ruled that Johnson & Johnson helped contribute to the blank crisis in Oklahoma.
FARSAD: Opioid.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Tuesday, a judge blocked a Missouri law that bans blank after eight weeks.
FARSAD: Vaping - no. What?
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: Abortion.
SAGAL: Yes, abortion.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, the administration announced that children born to U.S. service members living abroad may not be granted automatic blank.
FARSAD: Citizenship.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Thursday, the DOJ concluded that former FBI director blank violated bureau policy in handling Trump memos.
FARSAD: James Comey.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, the governor of New Hampshire personally intervened to make sure that a woman would be allowed to keep her blank.
FARSAD: Her vape pen.
SAGAL: No.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: She could keep her personalized license plate reading PB4WEGO.
(LAUGHTER)
GROSZ: Oh, god.
SAGAL: She has kids, you see. Maryland and Virginia are among the 22 states reporting blank-related lung illnesses.
FARSAD: Vape.
SAGAL: There you are.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: You're ready for it.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: This week, the Washington Post reported on a dog park in the D.C. suburb...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: ...Of Chevy Chase, Md., where blank is not allowed.
FARSAD: Dogs.
SAGAL: No. It's a dog park where barking is not allowed.
FARSAD: Oh, Jesus.
SAGAL: This popular dog park in the center of Chevy Chase has caused nearby residents to complain of the noise because they are terrible people.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: So this dog park has multiple signs all around it that read no excessive barking, which is a bad idea because, A, dogs love to bark, and B, dogs cannot read.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The residents defend their demand that the dogs be quiet, says one quote - "if my children were in a restaurant crying, I would take them out." We presume she means take them out.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Negin do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Well, she did pretty good - five right, 10 more points, total of 12. And that puts her in the lead.
SAGAL: All right.
FARSAD: Oh.
(APPLAUSE)
FARSAD: Thank you (laughter).
SAGAL: All right, then. Bill, how many does Faith need to win?
KURTIS: Five to win.
SAGAL: All right Faith, Here we go. Fill in the blank. According to the latest presidential polls, Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders trail blank for the Democratic nomination.
SALIE: Joe Biden.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Tuesday, Deutsche Bank said it was in possession of some of blank's tax returns.
SALIE: Trump.
SAGAL: Right...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: ...Or the Trump family. This week, U.S. officials announced a new 5% tariff on products from blank.
SALIE: China.
SAGAL: Right. On Tuesday...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: President Trump proposed lifting logging restrictions in blank's rainforest.
SALIE: Alaska.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, a man in Washington State was frustrated when his pickup truck was stolen while he was blanking.
SALIE: While he was proroguing.
SAGAL: While he was robbing a store across the street.
SALIE: Oh.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: On Tuesday, College Board decided to abandon plans to add an adversity score to the blank.
SALIE: To the SATs.
GROSZ: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
GROSZ: A woman in Florida was arrested for driving under the influence after she...
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
GROSZ: ...Blanked the officers who pulled her over.
SALIE: Flashed them.
SAGAL: No, she tried to get them to bet how high her blood-alcohol level would be.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: We do a lot of drunk-driver stories in this space. This may be my favorite.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The 62-year-old woman was pulled over near her retirement home in Florida because why not?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And when police asked her if she wanted to take a breathalyzer test, she laughed and said she'd never be able to pass.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: She then tried to get them to bet that she easily blow twice the legal limit. Sadly, she lost the bet because she blew three times the legal limit.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, did Faith do well enough to win?
KURTIS: Yes.
SAGAL: Yes. I knew she did.
(APPLAUSE)
KURTIS: Thirteen - thirteen is the winner.
SAGAL: Congratulations, Faith.
SALIE: Thanks. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
